Judas
by Small Bombs
Summary: All is fun and games until you get your grumpy albinos mixed at 4 am. Kevin and Monsoon share their woes about their crappy roommates. College AU, mentioned Samuraiden.


Being roommates with someone often means getting used to everything they do. Be it the way they eat or the way they sleep, every little habit of theirs is something you integrate as part of your daily life, absorbing every manner and quirk like a sponge.

In Kevin's case, he was fairly used to the way Raiden _walked_.

Raiden had a set rhythm for everything, but the rhythm of his feet was the one that stuck to Kevin the most. His steps were typically soft, and they had a tempo that was particular to every mood of his; andante when he was impatient, adagissimo when he was tired, allegretto when he was excited. Kevin had unconsciously and very thoroughly memorized every single beat; so when the steps entering his room one night didn't fit any of the ones he had learnt by heart, his eyes snapped open before he could even get enough of a grasp on himself to tell dreams from reality.

"Whu—R... Raiden? Izzatyou?"

... Damn, speaking was hard when you just woke up. He received a snort to his somewhat unclear question, in a voice that wasn't Raiden's but that he knew regardless:

"Please. Do not insult me, this night has been hard enough."

"Wh...?"

Kevin turned around, then started blinking fast to focus his sight well enough—All to make sure he wasn't hallucinating when he saw Monsoon sitting on Raiden's bed and taking his shoes off.

...

... Wait, what?

"...W... What are you doing? I mean, what are you doing here? Uh—But also, what are you doing?" God, _thinking_ was hard when you just woke up. Monsoon sighed impatiently, eyes on his feet.

"I am going to sleep here." He stated firmly, as if not allowing any objections.

Kevin had some anyway: "... What? Why?"

"Because my own room is anything but a hospitable environment at the moment. It's hard to sleep with Jetstream nailing that whore of his into the bed right next to mine, you see."

... Oh. Putting the pieces together with difficulty, Kevin started to make sense of his almost surreal situation.

Jetstream... that was _Sam_... and he was 'nailing'...?

_Oh_.

"... His name's Raiden, y'know. I mean, not that I think he's a whore—Raiden's not a whore. Raiden's my friend."

_Man_ was he not making any sense. But at least now he was conscious enough to actually notice he was talking nonsense. Kevin shook his head to try and pull himself together, rubbing his eyes to get rid of his sleepy haze, and spoke up once more:

"... What are you doing here, again?"

... Clearly he wasn't doing the 'pulling himself together' thing very well, asking questions he had asked quite literally less than a minute ago.

"I just told y—Listen." Monsoon started, speaking slowly like one would speak to someone drunk. Or high. Or both. "Minuano is busy humping your idiot friend like a cat in heat in my room and I need to sleep. Do you follow me so far?"

"... Yeah, I think."

"Good. Since that wretch is going to be in my room for the rest of the night, I figured I could get some sleep in his... It is only fair." He added, expecting Kevin to voice more questions or complaints. After a couple of seconds of consideration he only shrugged, though.

"... Alright. 'Guess so."

"Oh." A surprised blink. "Well, good. Then I will assume there's no problem on your part?"

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Psh. Look man, if I get to go back to sleep you can set that bed on fire for all I care. Just know that Raiden's not gonna be very happy about it."

"I couldn't care less. He brought this on himself."

"Alright, alright. Oh, we have one rule though—Keep your pants on. There's no sleeping in the nude in this room."

"Of course. What, do you think I'm some kind of animal?"

"Sheesh, rough... I thought Sam slept in the nude?"

A painful wince. "Case in point."

A sympathetic nod. "... I feel for you, man."

With that, he turned around and closed his eyes to the sound of clothes rustling, followed by the light creaking of the bed. They were different sounds from Raiden's, but it was fine; he wouldn't lose any sleep over it. And he meant that quite literally, too, eyes closing to return to his well-deserved rest—

"But I have one question."

... That was if Monsoon could shut up for a goddamn second.

"Hrngh. For Christ's sake, dude."

"I will not bother you any further after this."

"Hmgr..." Even Kevin wasn't sure what sound he was trying to make at that point as long as it showed his disgruntlement. Monsoon was unfazed, though, so he finally had to look up from his pillow in resignation. "Fine, whatever, 'm already awake anyway."

"Good."

"Question...?"

"Ah, yes. Well I was wondering... How come they never do it in _this_ room?"

Kevin rubbed his eyes, then frowned. "What do you mean they don't? They did it here the first time. Had the pleasure to witness it myself, too."

"No, I know that. But, every single time after that they did it in my room, and still keep doing it. Why the _hell_ is that?"

"Well, Raiden is a very considerate roommate..."

Monsoon raised an eyebrow.

"He is! He always thinks about me first and foremost..."

Two eyebrows.

"Alright, alright." Kevin smiled mischievously, realizing that Monsoon was having none of it. "Raiden _is_ really thoughtful, but he does slip up sometimes, especially when he's positively _hammered_. So let's just say I... have some dirty laundry on him and that I, ahem, may have _used_ it to keep him from pulling the same stunt again."

"Hoh?"

"Yep. And it hurt me to do it, oh, did it hurt..." He let out the longest, _fakest_ sigh of pure distress. "But he left me no choice. I've had enough of Sam's hairy ass for a lifetime, let me tell you."

Monsoon snorted. "Don't you complain, you saw that _once_. I have to see that every. Single. Day."

Kevin gave him a solemn nod. "... My condolences."

"Thank you, I appreciate it even if it doesn't quite rid me of who might be the worst roommate in history." A pause, marked by his slumped, defeated shoulders, then a sigh. "Then, to summarize, you simply blackmailed Jack out of the room?"

"H-Hey, now." Kevin shifted uncomfortably. "Blackmail is a really bad word... even if it kinda is what I did." He admitted with a nervous chuckle. "And I didn't kick him out, I just didn't want to have to show up at Coco's every two days so I could have some sleep. People are starting to ask questions, and the last thing I need is people thinking I'm cheating on my pwetty widdle Raiden."

"Oh..." Monsoon chuckled fondly. "Yes, I used to think you two fools were together before, too... That was before this hell unleashed, of course."

"'s okay. Everyone did." He yawned, then shrugged casually. "People also think I'm with Boris for some reason, which is just weird because Russian accents turn me off _so much._" Monsoon allowed himself another snicker. "Anyway, I think that if you wanna kick Sam out of your room you just gotta threaten him with stuff he doesn't want anyone to know. Y'know, embarrassing memories, stuff like that."

"I would do that, but that man has no shame. But... perhaps I could try it out with little Jack...?" Monsoon trailed off, giving Kevin a meaningful look. He only shrugged, though, not quite catching onto his intentions.

"You could try, I guess. Raiden has a little too much shame, so it shouldn't be too hard."

"Exactly, exactly..." He paused, as if carefully searching for the right words for his next request: "So... do you, perhaps, have any 'dirty laundry' to share?"

"What?"

"I'm asking if you could help me out with this." He clarified, voice smooth and slathered in forged complicity, and Kevin shook his head immediately.

"Nuh-uh! If you want access to the Kevin Washington Database, you gotta pay the price. A vanilla shake would be a good start—JOKE." He cut himself off as soon as Monsoon started reaching for his pants' pockets, then let out a distressed sigh. "I swear, why do people take everything I say literally...?"

"But I don't have anything on Jack!" Monsoon nearly whined, and Kevin shook his head again.

"Not my problem, buddy. Raiden's my friend, so I'm not sharing any of _my_ dirty laundry of him. 'Sides, it gives me more power over him if I have the exclusivity of the scoop and all." He faked a low, evil laughter, smile mischievous as ever. "You're gonna have to find your own secrets to threaten him with."

"But I have better things to do than following Jack around for something like _that_!"

"You mean like sleeping? Because I'm pretty sure that's something we BOTH need right now"

"..." Monsoon stopped himself for a second to give him a look that was 99 percent exasperation and 1 percent guilt. "... Yes, like sleeping, I suppose."

"Look, just think about what you have now. You've walked on them doing it a bunch of times right? Surely there's something you've... seen or heard there that makes Raiden embarrassed."

Monsoon winced. "Oh, why would you make me reminisce on that...?"

"'You have any other bright ideas?"

"Hrng..." A frustrated growl. "Alright I guess... I guess I remember... once, when I opened the door, Jetstream was on top of him and—" It was Kevin's turn to wince, nearly grabbing his pillow to throw it straight into his face.

"WHOA, HEY, STOP—Dude, what makes you think I want to hear this!? I don't—I don't want to know any details, _none whatsoever_, so just—just think to yourself!" Monsoon gave him a distraught look.

"You would let me suffer this alone!?"

Kevin chuckled darkly. "Man, I would not only do _that_, but I would also give you my own fond memories of them doing it if I were given the chance."

"That is cruel. You are a cruel man."

"I don't want to hear this from someone who wakes up an innocent bystander at 4 in the morning and keeps him up for an hour."

"Don't blame me! This is all Jack's—_Your roomate's _fault!"

"Wh—Excuse me!?" Kevin rose his voice, face contorted with indignation like he was being insulted himself. "Sam was the one who harassed Raiden until he had no choice _but_ to give in!"

"Please. That fool kept making eyes at him, it was only natural Jetstream would eventually take action!"

"What are you even—the day Raiden makes eyes at someone is the day hell freezes over! Guy can't flirt to save his life! It was Sam that kept doing things that can only be described as borderline _molesting_—"

"Well, _your_ _roommate_ let him!"

"Because _your_ _roommate_ wouldn't let up!"

A cease in fire was due, and they looked at each other with nothing but contempt for a minute or so.

Then, Monsoon's shoulders dropped.

"Ah, who are we kidding, they're both fools."

"Yeah..."

Both sighed resignedly at their situation, looking thoroughly hopeless.

"Well, you seemed to have something in mind about Raiden at least, didn't you?" Said Kevin, though he didn't sound too convinced. "All you gotta do is use that to keep them out of your room—Then maybe we can _both_ go back to sleeping like normal people."

"Yes... What I'm thinking about isn't quite so terrible, but considering how foolish he is, it might just be enough." Monsoon scratched his chin, then looked at Kevin with appreciative eyes. "I like the way you think, Mr. Washington. Very cunning."

He winced. "For some reason, I have a hard time feeling flattered. But now that that's, uh, 'solved', shall we...?"

"Oh, yes, absolutely."

Monsoon turned around with a big, hopeful smile on his face, finally pulling the sheets over himself to go to sleep for good. Kevin followed him right after, yet he couldn't say he felt exactly relieved their conversation was over—Instead, he couldn't help but feel he had somehow just double-crossed his own roommate and friend for years.

... Ah, w... whatever. It wasn't like he had told Monsoon anything, anyway—He had only pointed him in the right direction. So really, there was no need to feel like a snitch or a traitor. There was absolutely no need to feel guilty, either. No need, no need, no need, absolutely no need to feel bad _at all_...

"Kev, what's with all the free food?"

"Uh—" His smile wavered when Raiden gave him a questioning look the next day after paying for his fifth soda refill in the cafeteria, but he put it back in place in less than a second. "W-Why, can't I help a friend out every once in a while?"

"... Okay...? Thanks, I gue—"

Suddenly, Raiden cut himself off completely, eyes fixed behind Kevin and changing from confusion to anger in a flash. He looked to the side a moment after, his body suddenly shrinking slightly and his brow furrowing deeply.

"Hn..."

"Rai? What's wrong—?"

"Yes, what _is_ wrong, little Jack?"

"Uh...!"

It was Kevin's turn to shrink, and when he turned around, he found Monsoon grinning smugly at them both. Raiden grumbled something that sounded like a long, frustrated string of less-than-holy words under his breath, then looked up at Monsoon again with his face flushed.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, I was just checking up on you, nothing more, I assure you. How is your neck feeling?" Raiden gave him an horrified look, face turning an unhealthy shade of crimson.

"You—! You said you wouldn't—!"

"Hm? I said I wouldn't what, Jack? All I was going to suggest was buying a better pillow for your... neck problems." He said that innocently, but even the daftest person wouldn't fall for his act. "Ah, well, I have better things to do with my time than wasting it around here. I will be seeing you two around... Though not in my room anymore, huh, Jack?"

Raiden opened his mouth, seemingly ready to retort, but stopped himself and dropped his shoulders humbly, instead. As quietly as he had arrived, Monsoon walked away, leaving nothing behind but an awkward atmosphere, a quiet Raiden and a certainly-not-guilty Kevin.

"R-Refill!?"

"... H-Huh!?"

Raiden nearly jumped off his seat when his friend, who had stayed dreadfully quiet during the whole exchange, suddenly spoke up with an extremely large, extremely _stiff_ grin.

"Or... Or maybe I can buy you another chocolate? Or maybe I should just buy you some more french fries—Hey I'll buy you all of those! It's on the house, haha! Haha! All for my good friend Raiden...!"

"Kev—what—wait!?"

"It's alright! It's alright, I'll get it! Just—Stay there!"

Okay, he thought, as he left Raiden feeling a little less miserable and a _lot_ more confused, maybe he did feel _somewhat _guilty, after all.


End file.
